Hacker Widow

Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

How many beginnings can a person have? When we “find” ourselves is that the end? I know our lives are ever changing, but should we look to do this, or just allow it to unfold? I personally feel like I’m treading water. My legs are going 100 miles an hour, but I’m not getting anywhere. Our girls have finally left the house, so maybe this is “empty nest” syndrome. While I miss them desperately, I find myself at a standstill. I feel that my life was so wrapped up in my children that, through no fault of their own, I am now at a complete loss as to what to do. I know I have many contributions that would benefit the right situation. I know I’d be a good worker,a good friend. I am just at a loss how to achieve this. So, I have decided to pursue to only untried course left. I am looking into re entry courses to go back to school. I figure that this is something that I can control. I can attend school at my own pace and get my degree. It seems very daunting. Wish me luck…

What constitutes a real friend? What I mean is, does anyone know what the word friend means anymore? Wikipedia says this:

“Friendship is a form of interpersonal relationship generally considered to be closer than association, although there is a range of degrees of intimacy in both friendships and associations. Friendship and association are often thought of as spanning across the same continuum. The study of friendship is included in the fields of sociology, social psychology, anthropology, philosophy, and zoology. Various academic theories of friendship have been proposed, among which are social exchange theory, equity theory, relationaldialectics, and attachment styles.

Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating the following on a consistent basis:

• The tendency to desire what is best for the other
• Sympathy and empathy
• Honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one’s counterpart
• Mutual understanding and compassion; ability to go to each other for emotional support
• Enjoyment of each other’s company
• Trust in one another
• Positive reciprocity — a relationship is based on equal give and take between the two parties.
• The ability to be oneself, express one’s feelings and make mistakes without fear of judgement.
• It is very important to have honesty, trust, sympathy, respect and helpfulness in friendship.”

As I write this, I look at my life at this moment and realize that I do not have many that I would consider a true friend. I have MANY wonderful acquaintances, but not true friends. My Grandparents would get together with friend a couple nights a week. They would play, dominoes or cards, laughing and joking well into the night. They’d go on vacations with their friends. They’d have BBQ’s with their friends. They’d drop everything to rush to a friend who needed them. They made it a priority to have friendships. What happened??? Have we become so self absorbed that we feel we don’t need this anymore? I watched my children, now fully grown, struggle all through school AND beyond with friendships. When they were little, they’d look up at me and ask “Why can’t I find a friend who likes ME?”  Talk about a heart breaker! I’d sit there hugging and crying with them, assuring them that it would change. But will it? Does anyone know how to be a friend anymore? Is anyone willing to take the time and EFFORT it will take to build a relationship like that? I hope so…

So we were able to spend a couple days with our youngest daughter last weekend. She is a kick to be around. Very spontaneous and extremely funny, there is never a dull moment when she’s there. That being said… she decided that I am now to be known as fun-sized. Fun-sized??? How can I be fun-sized? I am 5’6″ and weigh…well, never mind. ANYWAY, there are many wonderful things that are fun-sized..

Maggie, our Yorkie, is fun-sized.

Snickers…DEFINANTLY fun-sized

Awwwwww….. but not…

Me…yeah, I know.

Is 20 too old to ground??  :-/

Well we are finally getting settled in San Luis Obispo. It is beautiful all the time and leave nothing to be desired. WOW… pinch me. It is amazing that we have the privilege of calling this city home. I do miss a few things from the valley though…

First is this certain little girl:

I miss you, babe. Hopefully school will finish soon so you can come over here.

Second, the place I walked daily…

From the top of Rocky Hill…

(Ignore the red line…have no clue what it is..)

…to the bottom. I talked to the beautiful babies daily  :-)

It was the first time in my life (no exaggeration!) that I was motivated to workout. I started walking it in late August. This means that the temperature hovered around 100. But I still did it. I became so dedicated that I only missed a day during Thanksgiving week and a couple during Christmas. If my oldest daughter

(Hi babe!!)

was around, I’d drag her up it with me. It was great….Then we moved :-/

I began to worry about “falling off the wagon” since enjoying exercise is NOT in my genetic make up. My hubby suggested that I go to this little park way down at the other end of our road. *sigh* Ok… I drive to this little park. It is cute but small. I begin thinking to myself, “This will be fun. Walking in circles for a hour!” I get out of the car and start. Towards the back of the park is see this

Hmmm, I wonder where the path goes? I decide to follow to see. Then I see this,

And this..(one of the three bridges I get to cross!!)

WOW..this is getting better and better. I keep walking, huffing and puffing, dragging my poor little dog along.

Even get to go through a tunnel!!!!!

With respect to Rocky Hill, this has to be one of the most beautiful walking trails I’ve ever been on.

Ok….the hubby did good.

I consider myself a fairly spontaneous person. I can change on a whim. Do something different. Try something new, all without relative harm to my mental state. The thing I am really bad about is taking chances. Now-a-days, it is very hard for me to do something that, I feel, is a risk. Most of it is physical risk. It terrifies me to think of flying to another country without a hardcore plan in mind. It always has. My sisters are more of the adventurous sorts. They have done things like that and more. I am envious of the adventures they have had, but shiver to think of doing them myself. I always start playing the “what if..” game. What if I lose my way in a strange city?…What if the boat leaves without me?…What if my husband or I get thrown in jail for some ignorance on our part and sit in a cell to rot??? OK, I know that’s a little extreme, but you get the idea. I have come to realize that for me to truly enjoy things like big vacations, I need to spend the extra money and hire a travel agent to make sure that all my fears are addresses. So vacations are handled, but what about the rest? Our family have been on a veritable roller coaster since about September. I won’t bore you with the details, but needless to say, it was hard to focus on all the wonders of the holidays this year.  :0(  And now, we are headed for the next great adventure in our lives. In two weeks time, my hubby and I will be relocating. We will be moving about 3 hrs away from our current home to San Luis Obispo. This has been a dream of ours for many years. (Though I did think our children would be moving with us….) So this is where that crazy fear comes in. What if we don’t like it like we “think” we will?…What if my husbands job fizzles out?…What if…. See, what I mean? Changes are good. They keep you alert and on your “A” game.I am really excited about it… really!

Christmas is in the air…. Driving to run errands is much more cheerful when your singing Christmas carols along with the radio. Rob and I decided to try and keep this Christmas as traditional as possible. Not that easy since 3/4 of my stuff is in a storage unit in San Luis Obispo. I never thought in a million we’d still be in Exeter. Rob has been working in SLO for 6 months now. He has been commuting home every weekend. It’s been hard on him, on all of us actually. So as of Friday, I will be making weekly trips to SLO to try to find a place to rent. Keep your fingers crossed for us!!

Fall is finally here in Exeter. I went for my walk up Rocky Hill yesterday and it was misty, windy and cold. WOW, what a difference a day makes. The day before it was still 70 degrees. Hopefully we are now going into the last of the hot weather. We finally got Haileigh settled in Yuma. :0(  I already miss her terribly. I am happy that she is starting her new life, though. How exciting! We have had a very odd kick off to the holiday season, normally, this is our favorite time of year. The weeks leading up to Christmas were always filled with happiness and anticipation. Well, Halloween is gone; didn’t even decorate. Hosting Thanksgiving here; focused more on having to fly Dad out to Virginia to a new facility. Hopefully things will calm down enough after Thanksgiving so we can enjoy the season a little.

since my last post, that is. Talk about a whirlwind!!!! The house is up for sale (Anyone interested??? Anyone???), Rob has already been working in San Luis Obispo for 3 months, and our oldest is getting MARRIED next month!!!! Yikes!! Ok…breathe…  It’s actually going really well. She knows what she wants and we are making it happen. It going to be beautiful!! And then,(fingers crossed) we’ll be in SLO by Nov. I’ll try to be better about blogging our progress…

That pretty much explains my life at the moment. I really can’t explain how it feels. Some personalities are ok with waiting for circumstances to dictate the course of ones life. I don’t happen to be one of those. I consider myself a pretty laid back person but this is ridiculous. I just want to move on to the next phase of our lives.  :0/

For years, our favorite place in the world to visit has been San Luis Obispo, CA. We were first introduced to this wonderful city when we stayed at the Apple Farm. This lead us to the actual exploration of the city itself. We have walked Monterey and Higuera more times than I can count. We always visit our favorite shops, some are no longer there. But the overall feeling of the place is “Welcome!” Now, we actually have the opportunity to live there. My hubby has accepted a job at a GREAT company there is in his second week. It’s a wonderful opportunity, and he is inspired once again. I, on the other hand, am now standing in the middle of our home thinking, “What in the WORLD have we gotten ourselves into??????” I really hate to pack… no , really, I HATE to pack… We are two pack-rats who got married and produced 2 baby pack-rats. AARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!! I really have no idea how I’m going to get through this. The only thing I can think of is to just stay focused on the end result. SLO…SLO….SLO…. I can’t wait to be able to enjoy the SLO life on a regular basis…